Christmas Songs Christians Hate the Most

grandmaChristians love Christmas! That’s like saying dogs love meat or dolphins love water. But it’s true, and that means they like Christmas songs too. Surely there are exceptions, however. Here are some:

1. Christmas Shoes. To Christians with musical taste, this is like saying the name Voltemort (not that we’ve read the book), so just read about this “song” here as I will not speak of it.

2. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. Tells about Grandma’s imbibing, which is either a lie, and therefore a violation of the 8th Commandment, or is true (and sounds like it is, hence the incident itself), and therefore violates the 5th Commandment (murdering the old lady’s reputation). There is no mitigation in the commandment-breaking for the recording artist, even though grandma’s own family is broadcasting the situation.

3. Please, Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas. See #2 above.

4. The Little Drummer Boy. Hey, there is nothing in the gospels about a drummer being present at the birth of Christ! What next? A fourth wise man bearing a box of Huggies for the Christ Child? C’mon.

5. The Little Drummer Boy. Because I hate it. And don’t give me this “but have you heard the David Bowie/Bing Crosby version??” argument. Rump-a-pum-pum is not musical poetry, no matter who sings it.

What else should be on the list?

5 thoughts on “Christmas Songs Christians Hate the Most

  1. I couldn’t agree more with Christmas Shoes!! I can’t stand it. The other Christmas song I hate, it’s not ‘Christian’, is Don’t they know it’s Christmas or something like that. There’s a line that says there won’t be snow in Africa… Ugh!

    • Ugh is right! It’s not a sad Christmas because there is no snow in Africa. I can’t do an ocean swim in Maryland at Christmas but that doesn’t make it sad.

  2. Oh man, my husband turns off the radio/and or starts a long rant every single time “The Little Drummer Boy” comes on. One time they did a performance of it at church and I thought he was about to walk out. He feels very strongly about that song. I came over to your blog from your guest post on Stuff Christians Like!

  3. One I hate is ‘In the Bleak Midwinter’.
    Partly because of its dreary tune, and also because the first verse is full of historical inaccuracies.
    In the bleak midwinter (Christ probably born in spring)
    Frosty wind made moan (see above)
    Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone (ditto)
    Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow-ow on snow (argh! No on no, no-oo on no! Also lazy writing!)
    In the bleak midwinter (again…)
    Long ago (okay, fair enough)

    The verses get better after that which is why people still sing it.

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