My Best Friends, Control and Chaos

It’s back to school time! Yay! Or Boo! It depends on your vocation, I guess. Parents are happy; teachers surely have mixed feelings. I always like the start of the school year. I only have one child at home, a senior in high school, and things are more ordered in August with the advent of school.

I love order. Love it. I also love chaos, but usually only so I can tame it into order. Then I get bored, find more chaos, and on the cycle goes.

Chaos reigns right now. It has been a crazy summer: the summer of learning there is a part of your life you never knew about, and people you never knew about. It has been emotional, mostly in a good way.

I’m still in the midst of that chaos, and it’s humbling, because my love for taming chaos is a reflection on both a good and a challenging quality in me–I can bring order to matters and that makes me generally useful, but when I cannot, that makes me frustrated, and reminds me that I am not the General Manager of the Universe.

So, on days when I wish I had all the answers outstanding about my families of origin, but I don’t, I have two choices: force answers or force myself to recognize I don’t, and will never, have all the answers. I prefer A; I need to do B.

So B it is. I’m relaxed as I update my Trello list of Things to Get Done for Work (my “Done” list is in good shape and my “This Week” list is ready to be filled in for next week), but I learn to sit with, live with, deal with, the uncertainty in life.

And it is everywhere. It is a good thing, to dwell with uncertainty, even though I loathe it.

So as I wait for DNA test results, something I absolutely cannot control, I can balance that with an awesome To Do List. Is there anything more lovely in this world than a well-ordered To Do List? No, no there isn’t.

Here’s to a relaxing weekend and living with uncertainty. Cheers!

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