First, a big thanks to everyone who has sent well wishes and prayers to me–some on Facebook, some through private messages, some through texts. I love you all, even if I don’t respond to each one right away.
It’s a roller coaster these days. Work is busy and that is good. Last night I spent about 5 hours researching a point of law that looks like it is undecided. Ha! Just like my ancestral tree, my work life proves not to provide immediate answers. And God laughs.
My brother, my dad and I have taken a DNA test and the specimens are in the testing stage. Do you know not to eat one hour before you swab your cheek? I hope my dad didn’t eat pizza right before. Dads.
I’m anxious for results and at the same time dreading them. I’m one minute thinking I’ll reach out to my likely half sibs, and the next deciding that’s a terrible idea. I’m in limbo.
I’m an INTJ (Myers-Briggs, look it up, don’t judge me when you see the famous INTJs). I don’t like limbo. Limbo is for suckers (and never an official teaching of the Catholic Church, so the INTJ-y-ist part of me is satisfied for my faith teaching and my personal bias to be in sync). Did you know that it is very rare to find a female INTJ? Yep, I’m a unicorn. A South American Unicorn.
INTJs like order, quick results and being right. Right now I lack order, DNA results are by no means quick, and I won’t know if I’m right for a while. AND GOD LAUGHS. BAH HAHAHAHA, I imagine he says.
But there is a rightness to this. I do think that events have a purpose, and this itch I can’t scratch is good. It makes me depend on others, a thing I loathe even though it is the lifeline of humanity. My dear husband and amazing girls have been great.
The most salient thought these days? That earthly fathers are amazing and important. But like all humans, earthly fathers are flawed.You can love them through their flaws. But even with their flaws they point to, though they can never fully emulate, the perfection of a heavenly Father.
As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be.