The Crashing of the Days

At different times in our lives, days move at different speeds. We all know that. Think of the 5-year-old waiting for Christmas to come. Compare that to the 49.95 year old dreading his 50th birthday. Different speeds.

Right now, the days are crashing by, quickly. Dan Fogelberg (admit it, some of you know who he is) wrote a song I always loved called “In the Passage.” It was playing on the radio the night I met my husband. And it’s playing in my head right now:

In the passage from the cradle to the grave

We are born, madly dancing

Rushing headlong through the crashing of the days

We run on and on without a backwards glance

I was born madly dancing. Not literally (some of you have seen me dance–not pretty), but figuratively. I madly danced through many stages of life, always waiting for the next thing to come along, or more usually, for the next challenge I would create for myself. The next mountain to climb, body of water to swim, job to conquer. Now the days are crashing by. My mom is dying. It is hard. The remaining days are sweet to have, and I still am running headlong without a backwards glance. Yet I am still trying to control them and dictate their itineraries.
The sad but also beautiful thing about days, and life in general, is that we have little control over some parts of them. That is a good thing, even though I continue to madly dance in a futile attempt to be the general manager of the universe.
On Wednesday this week, my mom was up and about in her zippy motorized wheelchair. We shopped at the two places to shop at the facility where she lives, had meetings with many hospice people, and generally socialized. She was sassy and sarcastic. But the past two days proved we did too much mad dancing on Wednesday (or did we?) The past two days have been quieter, sadder, but more meaningful.
It is only when the Master of the Universe reminds me I’m not even a mid-level cog in the wheel of this Universe that I allow the crashing of the days to wash over me and enjoy what time I have with my mom.
Today is movie day. We are going to watch a movie in her room. That’s all we know. The only thing I can control is the DVD player (and, let’s face it, there’s only a 50/50 chance I’ll get that right). And my mad dancing. Today will be a slow waltz (more like a slow prom rock, but you get my meaning).
Learn to dance. And learn to temper the dance to God’s circumstances crashed upon you. You’ll dance more meaningfully.

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