Cheesy Christian Emails

What is a “cheesy Christian email?” It could be many things.

It could be the chain email about some miracle, and if you don’t forward it, 10,000 nuns and orphans will die (to me, that’s not cheesy, that’s evil email, but anyway…)

It could be an email with a flowery prayer and large, pastel graphics of angels, eagles or clouds in the sky. This is harmless and perhaps even a welcome email to you.

For me, though, the most egregious “cheesy Christian email” it is the one that appears to lean into a problem, but then ends with a half-hearted “bless you” in place of what really is the kiss-off, “see ya” line.

It might go something like this:

“Dear Jim,

Thank you for the feedback on my sermon. It seems that perhaps my preaching is not to your liking. I sincerely hope that God leads you to a congregation where you are fulfilled with WORD of GOD! I hope your new pastor will not require the same effort you give in your consistent correspondence to me.

May many blessing be poured down upon you . . . ”

OR

“Dear Church Worker,

I sincerely pray to God every day that your staff will see the LIGHT of GOD and discern his will, and turn down the volume on the opening song. God truly desires volume control.

May the LIGHT of CHRIST shine down on you and give you WISDOM . . . ”

It’s cheesy because it is peppered with holy words, and it’s the opposite of Godly because it pretends to use “God” words but really it is the Christian equivalent of flipping someone the bird.

What do you consider a “cheesy Christian email?”

 

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